that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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