Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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