Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
