I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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