Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
