I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
