Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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