Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
