were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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