On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
