so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
