you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
