Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
