she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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