My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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