I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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