I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
