Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i out mim tonsoeep
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