My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
