Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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