Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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