i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
