Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
