wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
