With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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