You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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