just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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