oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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