I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
