woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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