I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
