Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
