isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
