You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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