You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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