Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
