You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
