I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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