I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
