Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
