he shaved USA in his pubs
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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