OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize