Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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