About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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