They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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