Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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