Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize