He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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