Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need to calm my uterus...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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