If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
