The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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