How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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