what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
