i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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