i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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