She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
