her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
