I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
