Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
