Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
