I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How naked do you want me to be?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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