I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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