I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize