So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
