if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
