there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Randomize
