come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
