Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
