I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
