What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
